Chevra Kadisha

Planning ahead

Every decision you make now is a decision your children will not have to make in the first hours after losing you. That is the whole argument, and it is a good one.

The seven things worth settling

That you want a traditional Jewish burial — taharah, tachrichim, a plain wooden aron, burial in the earth in a Jewish cemetery. Write the sentence; do not assume it is understood.
Which cemetery, and whether the family already owns plots. Ask the oldest person in the family before you buy anything — plots bought two generations ago and forgotten are common. The ten Bay Area cemeteries are listed here.
Which rabbi you would like to take the funeral, and their number.
Who is to be called, in what order — and, importantly, who is not to be left to find out from Facebook.
Your Hebrew name and your father’s Hebrew name, spelled out. These are needed for the funeral, for the Kaddish and for the stone, and every year a family discovers at the worst possible moment that nobody alive knows them.
Where the money is. An insurance policy, a burial fund, an account — and who has access to it in the first week, which is not the same question as who inherits it.
Anything you want said, or not said. Charities in place of flowers. A person you would like to speak. Something you would rather was left out.

Then tell somebody where it is

A perfectly written page that nobody can find has done nothing. Put it with the will, tell two people where it lives, and send us a copy at info@jmemorial.org. Then, when somebody rings us at three in the morning, the answers are already here and nobody has to guess what you would have wanted.

Talk it through

There is no charge and no obligation, and it is not a sales conversation — we do not sell plots, caskets or plans. Call 408-910-2034, or book a time to sit down with the Rabbi. An hour now is worth an enormous amount later.

Questions people ask

Is planning your own funeral morbid?

The opposite. Everything you settle now is a decision your children will not have to make in the worst week of their lives, at the moment they are least able to make it. Jewish tradition regards preparing for this as a normal adult responsibility, not a preoccupation with death.

What should I actually decide?

That you want a traditional Jewish burial with taharah and tachrichim. Which cemetery, and whether a family plot already exists. Which rabbi. Who is to be told. Whether there is money set aside and where it is. That is most of it, and it fits on one page.

Where do I write it down?

Anywhere your family will actually find it — and then tell them where. A page in the file with the will works. A note nobody knows about does not. Send us a copy as well and we will keep it on file, so that when somebody rings us the answers are already here.

Should I pre-pay?

Sometimes. Buying a plot in advance genuinely locks in a price that rises every year, and it is the one purchase almost always worth making early. Pre-paying a mortuary is a more mixed picture and depends on the contract; ask us before you sign anything and we will read it with you.

What if my family is not observant and might not follow my wishes?

Then writing it down matters more, not less. A clear, unambiguous, signed statement that you want a traditional Jewish burial with taharah carries real weight with a family, and with a funeral home. Say it plainly, and tell one person who will hold you to it.

What if I have already arranged cremation?

Please call. That conversation is had here often and without any judgement in it, and there is far more room to change course than people assume.

Rabbis across the Bay Area

Any of these will take a funeral. Call us and we will connect you, or ring whichever is nearest to you.

Rabbi Ahron CuninSan Jose	408-358-5530rabbi@chabadsj.com
Rabbi Shaya BernsteinSan Jose	347-971-6668info@jewishsj.com
Rabbi Avi LebowitzSan Jose	650-207-4956avilebo@gmail.com
Rabbi Yigal RosenbergSanta Clara	408-718-9074rabbi@jewishclara.com
Rabbi Yisroel HechtSunnyvale	408-661-7028rabbi@chabadsunnyvale.com
Rabbi Yosef LevinPalo Alto	650-804-8910rabbilevin@chabadgsb.com
Rabbi Yitzchok FeldmanPalo Alto	650-796-4185rabbi@emekberacha.org
Rabbi Mendel LiberowMorgan Hill	408-766-2343Rabbi@ChabadMorganHill.com
Rabbi Shimon MargolinSan Francisco	415-517-1651rabbi@sfrussianjews.org

What a Jewish funeral involvesSo that what you are asking for is clear to everybody.Cemeteries & plotsWhere they are and what they run to.YahrzeitWork out a Hebrew date, and be reminded of it every year.

The seven things worth settling

That you want a traditional Jewish burial — taharah, tachrichim, a plain wooden aron, burial in the earth in a Jewish cemetery. Write the sentence; do not assume it is understood.

Which cemetery, and whether the family already owns plots. Ask the oldest person in the family before you buy anything — plots bought two generations ago and forgotten are common. The ten Bay Area cemeteries are listed here.

Which rabbi you would like to take the funeral, and their number.

Who is to be called, in what order — and, importantly, who is not to be left to find out from Facebook.

Your Hebrew name and your father’s Hebrew name, spelled out. These are needed for the funeral, for the Kaddish and for the stone, and every year a family discovers at the worst possible moment that nobody alive knows them.

Where the money is. An insurance policy, a burial fund, an account — and who has access to it in the first week, which is not the same question as who inherits it.

Anything you want said, or not said. Charities in place of flowers. A person you would like to speak. Something you would rather was left out.